Bad Day

It's not bad to have a bad day now and then, but I have to keep reminding myself to not feel guilty about it. Things have been going to well for Mom and I for the last three weeks that I forgot how snarky she can get with me when she changes moods. I'm still learning to deal with the mood swings and I arm so tired of people telling me it's the desease. Yes a lot of it is the desease but they still have some presence of mind and I do think they have more cognitive thinking than we give them credit for. I feel that my Mom knows a lot more then we give her credit for. I am just trying to remember to give her lots of positive love because I know she won't always be with me.

Another Day

Today seems to be depressing for both Mom and me. It seems like she just wants to sleep more and more. I think that her great loss of hearing has made her withdraw more into herself. I feel bad for her living in her silent world. My Sister has taken her to get fitted for hearing aids but she says they don't help her and she has lost them. A lot of money spent! I wished that they would of worked for her. The reason I speak about the hearing loss is because I truely believe that this is having a lot of affect with her Alzheimer's. When you can't hear you have a tendency to withdraw into yourself more.

I will say that we went over to here great granddaughter's house the change was great for her. I do realize she needs more stimulation but it's hard to get her to do something she isn't interested in. It seems lately she is not interested in much. I just try and give her as much love as I can.

Lazy Day

7:20pm: Its been a quiet day. Mom has been in pretty good spirits today. I feel good when I feel that she is experiencing some inner pease. She doesn't seem to have that inner turmoil going on as much as usual. I hope that she will be peaceful through the weekend.

I'm Only Human

3:35pm: Today has not been a good day for either of us. My lack of patience didn't help one bit. I realize that they have lost the ability to filter what they say, but what a don't believe is something I read about them not knowing what they are saying.  I personally believe that what comes out of their self conscious is really what they feel at the time. Example I was mopping the kitchen floor this morning, Mom came up behind me and I didn't know she was there. I accidentally bumped into her and she said "You almosted knocked me down" what I should of said is I'm sorry but since she had not let me sleep very well last night and had been very kurt to me I was a little tired. So how did I respond, well I said you shouldn't sneak up on people like that. How she responded was hurtful to me. She Said "if you didn't eat so much your butt wouldn't be so big". Yes I do have a bit of a weight problem but I don't feel I overeat. I'm very sensitive about my weight and she knows that. Because of our shaky start the whole day was tense. Lunchtime wasn't much easier. She decided that she had to much food so after I make her a nice cottage cheese salad with fruit she comes walking over to me with half her cottage cheese squished in her hands. I got upset and just walked over to the table and picked up the rest of her plate and dumped down the garbage disposal. I said your done and that is that.

The reason I am posting this negatively is because it's alright to be human and loose patience once in awhile. When that happens it's a good idea to remove yourself from the situation.  Write a journey or blog like I'm doing. It helps to get your thoughts down on paper. Patience is the best way to deal with Alzheimer's but it's okay to have a bad day. Don't beat yourself over the head because of it.

Another Surprise

My Mom never ceases to amaze me. This afternoon she was so vunrable. I was really worried about her. I really thought maybe the end is near.  When she is in the state she was in this afternoon I should of known she was going into another realm of thinking. It's very confusing to me because she does and says thing in one mind set and then says something else an hour later. It use to drive me crazy now I just ride with the punches.  I've been told as I get older that I make up stories.  She doesn't remember what she says from one hour to the next. The only reason I am sharing my day to day thoughts is because I hope if you are dealing with this decease know that you are not alone. I just finished a really good book that is helping me to function from day to day.

Book The Gift of Alzheimer's   by Maggie La Tourelle 

Busy Day

4:30pm:Its been a hard day for Mom today. She is in quite a daze. I sure wish I could get insie her mind and really see what she is thinking. This afternoon she seems so sad and seems to be in a fog. She looks like she just doesn't have anymore fight left in her. She ususually loves to take her two little pomeranians for a walk around our inclosed area in her little doggie buggy, but today she said she just wasn't up for it. She stepped outside for a few mins. to get some air. When I went to see where she was, she was walking around in a daze calling for our Dad to help her who passed away in early November last year. I had her come and sit on a bench that my Dad use to love to sit on to get some fresh air. I sat with her for a few moments and we had something cold to drink.

After almost destroying our relationship I have learned how to deal with her desease with patience, love, and kindness even if it isn't always easy (and believe me some days can be just rotten). I'm finding that that her positive side is getting a little easier to access. Believe me it's like riding on a rollercoaster. To be continued.........

Tense Moments

Well here we are again just when I think I might have things pretty well figured out, Mom throws a curve ball. Everyday is a learning curve. Here I thought she only acted in certain ways with just me but I'm finding out that in certain mind sets she doesn't pick favorites it is just whoever is helping her at the time. That surprised me somewhat because I thought that because I'm with her twenty-four hours a day she would direct most her negative feelings toward me. But I'm finding out that is not necessarily so. I'm reminded every day to be patient and kind. I know my Mom is in there somewhere. To be continued.......